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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Michael Bay is a Pathetic Monkey Turd 

We watched the new Transformers movie this weekend. It was the most horrible atrocious piece of crap since Swordfish. Wretched! So there's a car, and it speaks with songs through the radio for some reason, and then the girl's driving a hundred miles an hour to rockin' thrash music, then Optimus Prime (who, thank heaven, remained a semi truck) starts blabbering on about how courageous and noble humans are, and the Barbie model British lady beats all the NASA scientists to cracking the alien code, and there's a boom box which finds the kid's grandpa's glasses on eBay, and then the fifty-foot brightly-colored robots hide – successfully! – from the kid's parents.

And who gives a [bad word] about the soldier we barely meet, trying to get home to his newborn daughter? Get to the murderous death robots! Oh, that girl he's trying to hook up with is a felon because she had to help her dad steal cars? Who [very bad word]ing gives a flying [inappropriate language]!? Go [bad word] yourselves, humans! Let's see some more laserbeam painbots attacking each other, please! If John Turturro hadn't been in it (and what the hell is he doing in that turd of a movie?), it would have been completely worthless.

Oh, yeah – the special effects were pretty cool. But it should have been 20% talking and 80% robots destroying cities and each other. Not the other way around! And here's another thing – taking an overweight black man and making him act like a total buffoon, but then also saying he's a genius master hacker is not avoiding stereotypes! Arrrgh!

I should have known, after Armageddon. If I'm ever tempted to watch another Michael Bay movie ever again, please sign me up for a frontal lobotomy. I mean, look at the guy – what a monkey turd!

Then today I had to listen to my students enthuse about how excellent the movie is. And only one – one – had seen 1986's Transformers: The Movie cartoon. At least he understood.

So then I went around looking for said cartoon film at Best Worst Buy, and Borders – nothing. I guess I'll have to find it online. Those stores didn't have Krush Groove either.



Transformers the way they're supposed to be! Note the total lack of moron humans and their cretinous efforts to get back to their newborn babies.

Also: Peep Coach Z and Peacey P's rap song! And ya don't stap!

Today I'm listening to: Autechre! The most excellent IDM (damn I hate that term) album of all time? Well, one of the most excellent, surely.